have you ever just been under so much pressure, to the point where you want to give up? you dont care anymore, but just want to get through the week? yeah, thats me right now. for the past two months ive been under pressue and im about ready to freak out.

this whole gollege thing is pissing me off. alot. i havent heard anything from wku or msu about my scholarships (i should have heard 2 weeks ago), and i need to decide where im going to school. im waiting on their reply to go to their god damn school. this is rediculous. housing applications are due at the end of the month. i need a reply soon or else im going to nku. ugh.

select band was amazing, no doubt. dr. cresap from morehead came up and directed us, and we played some kick ass music. im happy that i got switched from 2nd part to first, i felt extremely stupid if i was on 2nd. ugh. i auditioned for the slect band scholarship and i  didnt get it. i didnt really expect to get it, but i was hoping that something i did was good enough. oh well.

guard show tomorrow. were going to suck, alot. im thinking last place looks mighty fine. blah, i wish people cared about guard as much as i do. thats why i did drum corps but after i came back, it was pure and total crap. i cant wait to get out of high school. all of this is bull crap.

jesus, life has been absolutely crazy. theres just so much shit going on, that i dont even know where to start.

okay, so winterguard is slowly getting better. yes, we still suck, but were getting better. lloyd's instructors decided to come and help us out last night, and the rewrote half of the show. maybe this will help. who knows. but atleast the entire show is finished and we wont get penalized like we did at campbell county. what a stroke of luck.

I did well at solo and ensemble! i got a distinguished rating for my solo, allegro moderato by luigi boccherini. it wasnt jsut a 1, it was a 1+, which is amazing. im extremely happy for myself and how well im doing with my playing. of course, its not nearly good enough for college, but its okay standards for high school. for once, im proud of myself.

select band is slowly creeping up on me. i have yet looked over the music, and i have a feeling that the people sitting around me are going to think im terrible. whoever the conductor is, is crazy. really. she picked four songs (so far. one shes bringing with her) that is college level pieces. never have i see a harder second part. it doesnt even make sense. none of them are remotely slow, to give us a break. 90% of it is doubletongueing. funtastic.

well, portfolios are done...for now. i have a feeling that i have a distinguished already, but when next week rolls around and we go back to edit them, i guess that ill change my mind. im happy that some of my stress is gone.

i havent made my decision between MSU or WKU. theyre both great schools and its just too tough to decide right now. i havent heard back from either place about my scholarship audition and how much theyre planning on giving me, but i think that whatever school ill pay less for, ill go to. gah. decisions decisions.

well, thats it really. sorry for taking so long to update. as you can see, life has been busy.

so who would kill me for going to WKU? anyone? okay, good. because thats where i think i might just go.

ive realized that i take my friendships for granted. i spend too much time worrying about who else i can meet rather than being happy with who i have. i never took the time to see how my life would be without them. and now that some are gone, i feel as if im nothing. im a horrible friend and i dont deserve many of  you.

drew, im sorry. ive treated you absolutely rotten. i took our relationship for granted and said too many thing to hurt you. ive been so frustrated with college and how i have to have my entire life planned out, that  little things have begun to bother me (ie, dance and clinic). i dont have an excuse, but all i can say is that im truely sorry. i can only hope that things will be better next year when we begin college together.

angela and brandon. i know that ive caused hell for you two and a ton of drama to go with it; and with us being in two different worlds doesnt help much either. i plan on being a different person next year and i want you two to be a part of my new life, wherever i end up. i dont know how you guys put up with so much of my shit, but i thank you for that. im absolutely amazed that you talked to me at the clinic, since i had yet to appologize. i should have done it sooner. beleive it or not, you guys mean so much to me. im happy to see that i have some great friends that will stick with me regardless of what colors i show.

im just going through a rough time right now, and im having trouble dealing with it. im sorry if ive snapped at anyone or treated others badly--i never meant to. im not a jerk all the time, and i hope you all know that. if you all could give me a second chance i promise things will be different. i will be different.

damn what a great weekend.

i spent it all at morehead for a clinic and had a blast. i got to have some magical bonding time with my homies from highlands and was chilling out with some college kids too. anyways, so i ended up sitting 2nd chair NOT in top honors. oh yes, im pissed. but hey, i got to play piccolo and stick out of the band so i guess it was mkay. we played some cool music but it didnt exactly sound too hot. bah.

my scholarship audition went really well, too. pritchard said tht i sounded really good and that he looks forward to me being in the flute studio. im assuming thats a good thing comming from him, right? who knows when it comes to him. hes weird. i just hope i get alot of money.

well thats all the news i got for right now.